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Exquisite Dead Guy
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Benjamin Croaker's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, June 4th, 2006
6:15 pm
Yeah, yeah, haven't been at work for a few days. It's because I feel like crap and I thought nobody would appreciate the sheer joy of having me around if it meant they were going to feel like this.

On the plus side, Amelia's not off madly attempting to work through a fever anymore. But on the minus side (why does nobody ever say that? Plus side/minus side is better than using "on the other hand," I think. You always have positive and negative numbers.), having to deal with Janine for a whole day yesterday -- and she didn't ask once why I wasn't at work, because she was babbling about bloody eggs -- was enough to make me want to go back.

Current Mood: crappy
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
11:31 pm
So Amelia's going to be ...out for a bit. Possibly. Possibly not. Probably. She's going to kill me for saying anything. It's cold season, I suppose. Anyway, St. Mungo's got me back my hands; I'm sure they can manage a little flu.

Thankfully, I'm fine. I'm sure you're all so pleased.

Current Mood: worried
Saturday, May 6th, 2006
11:46 pm
PrivateCollapse )

You lot in the DoMLE, I know your game. You're faking being sick to get off of work and keep everyone else from drinking your coffee. Well, it won't work. With nobody there we can steal it far better. Also, you've got Amelia pissed off, which any git can see is never a good idea.

Current Mood: anxious
Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
12:05 am
Fuck. I can't take the next Veil shift, two of our imported people are back there at least and I can't hear anyone but them, and I won't be able to until it all sinks in.

At least I can't hear anyone else. I don't think.

I fucking hate this job.

So, yeah. Lilov and Ivanov, I think. They're dead. I think. I didn't know them well. If they're dead enough to warrant paperwork, I'll write their next-of-kin to let them know.

Does anyone know if the MiB was involved with this?

Fuck.

Current Mood: aggravated
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
10:47 pm
Coyne, are you still sick?

[private: Unspeakables except Coyne and Rookwood and what the hell, Ed too]
I vote that if he is we all break into his office on Monday and see what he really keeps in his desk. It's either something deadly and evil or booze.

Possibly both in the same bottle.
[/private]

Current Mood: curious
Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
11:06 pm
HI, MY WIFE IS FUCKING AMAZING AT PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING, THANKS, SO QUIT BLOODY INSULTING HER OR I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE JAW, OR IF I AM IN A PARTICULARLY BAD MOOD I WILL ASK HER TO DO IT INSTEAD.

AND INCIDENTALLY, BUT NOT ENTIRELY UNRELATEDLY, MY SEX IS DEFINITELY FAR BETTER THAN YOURS. SO THERE.

Current Mood: RAWR
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
7:42 am
Hey, guys? Can we put some warning signs on the door to the Unstable Dimension?

Yeah.

Current Mood: definitely not having been laid
Thursday, August 11th, 2005
9:49 pm
PrivateCollapse )

Lovely day for a funeral.

Looks like I'm going to need more black clothes pretty soon.

Current Mood: depressed
Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
2:35 pm
Urgh. Rookwood's brought in even more people from outside of the Department. "What," you might ask, "does Ben have against people outside the Department, when he's always going on about how he hates the Department? He usually makes so much sense!" You might ask. You probably won't, but you might. At any rate, you'd certainly phrase it differently. I'll explain why anyway, because I'm nice like that.

The thing is, it's not people from out of the Department that I don't like. It's the fact that we've got enough crazies as it is in here - hell, you'd have to be mad (or me) to stay around. We don't need to go importing madpeople. Imported madpeople are probably more expensive than domestic, anyway.

And believe me, they are mad. Some of them are from the Unofficial Tailgunner Joe Fanclub, some of them are from the Сове́тский Сою́з, and some of them belong to Crouch, so trust me, they're all mad. And some of them want to kill each other, which isn't actually unusual for the Department, but god, I'm sick of it.

In conclusion, my crazy quota for the week is full. I don't know what happened to the coffeepot, but I'm sure whatever it was is just a mass hallucination. And I never go into the break room anyway. Don't push me.

Current Mood: grumpy
Monday, May 30th, 2005
11:08 pm
I LOVE AMELIA.

(and also coffee, but)

Current Mood: pleased
Friday, April 8th, 2005
12:38 am
So manic fruit flies have temporarily taken over one of the Life labs, apparently, and they're calling in some specialized exterminators to see if they can communicate with the flies to let the hostages go. There are very few times I'm glad I work in Death, but this is one of them. I'm lucky to avoid stuff like that. High Murphy quotient and all.

Amelia, you don't happen to have any free time, do you? Because, you know, you may not be aware of this, but a largeish part of the reason I married you was that I actually rather like you. It's sort of one of those things, you see.

Anyway, other than that, business as usual. And Bode, I'd BETTER NOT HEAR ANYTHING MORE ABOUT THOSE GODDAMN LEECHES. I FOUND THREE IN MY SANDWICH YESTERDAY.

So is anyone else up for hunting down the cafeteria staff and using their own plastic sporks to beat them to death, or do I have to go find them all by myself? Leeches. Three of them! IN MY SANDWICH.

...well, two and a half, actually. Urgh.

Current Mood: nauseated
Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
9:45 am
PrivateCollapse )

You can't really win at life, can you?

::snort:: Well, I certainly can't. Maybe Nicholas Flamel will. Or maybe he's already lost.

Ah, screw it. I deserve a mental health day. I'm not going back to hear dead people talking to their kids.

Current Mood: cynical
Sunday, January 9th, 2005
11:55 pm
PrivateCollapse )

Rookwood, if I may ask a not-entirely-work-related question in public (and since I can write this, it's not AAAH TOP SEKRIT), WHY THE HELL ARE RANDOM MEMBERS OF THE MiB HANGING AROUND?

Current Mood: crappy
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
6:23 pm
In conclusion, no one should ever fucking get married at all.

Current Mood: cynical
Sunday, December 12th, 2004
10:57 pm
Amelia's right. Things are quiet. And not explodybad quiet. Like, good quiet. Which must be bad, because explodybad tends to be terrible.

And why do trainees persist in trying to get into the Department? It's not as if the job is fun.

But. RUBBISH LORRIES FOREVER. Because they're our only form of amusement.

Current Mood: cautious
Sunday, November 7th, 2004
10:32 am
...Hestia, I'm sure you're tired of hearing this by now. But your sister is a bitch.

Current Mood: hurty
Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
8:04 am
So, finally out of St. Mungo's. God, I hate it there. Basically they're not sure why I'm not mad, but they've decided I'm too annoying to keep around, so. I get to go back to work, imagine my unending joy.

God, I hate New York City.

...and Meadowes, don't even try it. It won't work.

Current Mood: annoyed
Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
11:04 pm
EVERYTHING FUCKING HURTS AND THAT IS BAD.

ow. pain.

Current Mood: just woke up in the hospital
Friday, August 20th, 2004
11:51 pm
Amelia didn't do anything wrong, Ed tried to kill her!

Aside from that, I have nothing to say except...

I AM NOT A BLOODY PARAMOUR!

What the hell kind of word is that?

Current Mood: annoyed
3:58 am
PRIVATE: Department of MysteriesCollapse )

Current Mood: BLOODYFUCKING PISSED OFF AS ALL HELL!
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